Andrea consulted the school supply list two or three times to be sure she had everything her children needed to go back to school.
Mark listened carefully to what school officials were saying about class sizes and wondered about how larger classes would impact his son.
Tonya insisted that her children start going to bed earlier in preparation for the change that would be needed when school started in a week.
All of these parents want their children to do well in school. All are doing the things they believe will help their child succeed in school, and to some extent they’re right. They may, however, be missing one of the important things – something we rarely, if ever, hear about. If they are married, they could be missing the importance of their couple relationship to their child’s success in school.
Surprising Research with Kindergarten Families
A few years ago two researchers in California wanted to know what kinds of activities or strategies made a difference for kids entering kindergarten. They started by taking a group of four-year-olds and dividing them into four different groups. One group served as the control group, i.e., nothing different or unusual was done with this group. In the second group the parents of the four-year-olds received consultation with a professional about the transition their child was making to kindergarten. In the third group, the parents received parenting classes; and in the fourth, the parents focused on enriching their couple relationship. The researchers then followed the children for two years observing, recording and measuring their behavior and outcomes. At the end of first grade they observed two significant things about the children in the fourth group:
1) Only the children whose parents had received relationship education for couples performed higher academically than the other three groups.
2) Only the same children demonstrated lower levels of aggression than the children in the other two groups.
School-Sponsored Date Nights for Parents?
School-sponsored date nights for parents are probably not going to be added to the school district’s budget any time soon, but this study does point out a critical contributor to a child’s success in school, namely the stability of his or her home based on the happiness of his or her parents’ relationship.
When parents are happy with each other and working together, children do better in school. When mom and dad are getting along, mom is happier and more relaxed and dad is more involved with his children. When dad is more involved with his children, children do better in school. A landmark study by the U.S. Department of Education found that, “Children in two-parent families with highly involved fathers were 42% more likely to get mostly As, 55% more likely to enjoy school, and 28% less likely to repeat a grade than were children in two-parent families with fathers who had low involvement.”
It’s important to prepare children for success in school by securing the right school supplies, being sure they get enough rest, and setting aside time for them to do their homework. Good parents also recognize the significance of meeting their child’s teacher, participating in parent-teacher conferences and attending their child’s activities. The best parents, however, keep their couple relationship strong by continuing to nurture their relationship with fun, friendship and sexuality. These three things will keep them going strong from kindergarten to college. It might even help their kids earn a scholarship!
Scholastically speaking,
Dr. Jennifer Baker
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