What I failed to mention was how fear, can also cause us to miss out on important opportunities. For those cautious types--in whose number I count myself--the short-term emotion of fear frequently tempts us to avoid new experiences and growth opportunities.
This is one of the reasons I try to make a thoughtful decision well in advance about something I want to do or try that I know will push me beyond my comfort zone. Last week, for example, I spent several days in the company of twelve women hiking and kayaking in northern Wisconsin.* Our members were in their 40s, 50s, and 60s and game for any number of things I wouldn't do on my own.
In their company I found myself hiking the shores of Lake Superior, scrambling up rocky bluffs and kayaking the sea caves of the Apostle Islands--an amazing place I didn't even know existed a couple of years ago.
Getting to the sea caves required a speed boat ride across the waters of Lake Superior from Bayfield, Wisconsin on the mainland to Devil's Island.
Going to Devil's Island was uneventful--smooth seas and sunny skies. Coming back, on the other hand, was more exciting. We were still in our kayaks when the wind suddenly shifted, whipping up whitecaps requiring our return to the larger boat quickly. We were in the hands of an experienced boater and probably never in much real danger, but bouncing along in five-foot swells added some unexpected excitement to our day.
Like I said, it's not the kind of thing I would have chosen to do in the moment, but having made the decision months ago to go on the trip and then finding myself "out to sea" so to speak, what choice did I have but to embrace the moment?
We arrived safely at our destination without incident, though I will admit to a few moments of wondering what I had been thinking when I agreed to go on this adventure after one member of our group "lost her lunch" over the side of the boat and our captain reported hearing at least two distress calls for the Coast Guard. At the end of the day, though, it really was quite good for safety-conscious, risk management me. I was very glad I had decided to go on the trip. The experience was exhilarating and I learned I was able made of stronger stuff than I had imagined.
So how does one make good decisions--especially the more important ones--when tormented by short term emotions (fear, guilt, etc.)? Here are some ideas from the Heath brothers, authors of Decisive.**
1) Attain distance before deciding. Recognize that we fail to make good decisions about important matters when short-term emotion is in play. If you acknowledge this phenomena and admit its influence, it will be easier for you to delay making an impulsive decision with serious long-term implications or consequences.
2) Use the 10/10/10 strategy. Ask yourself, "How will I feel about this decision 10 minutes from now, 10 months from now and 10 years from now?" While the short-term impact of acting or not acting may carry some discomfort, the likely long-term outcome is a much better predictor of a good decision.
3) Ask yourself, "What would I tell my best friend to do in this situation?" I'm not certain why it is so much easier for us to discern things clearly for a friend than it is for ourselves, but it often is. It's what we'd tell a friend--or perhaps what a friend might tell us--that can serve as an important guide.
Several years ago, a thoughtful acquaintance, noting the sad state of my work-life balance listened non-sympathetically to my reasons for taking very little time off from work. "How can I be gone?" I argued. "I've got too much to do."
"Simple," he said, "You take out a calendar; mark off the days; and plan to leave."
He was right. Making a decision months in advance to spend time away from work has given me the distance needed to have a number of happy adventures. Writing the dates in my appointment book gives me a few moments of anxiety, but 10 months later I'm always glad I've gone. Ten years from now I'll continue to treasure the memories of those times away and the friendships forged along the way. Removing myself from short-term emotion helped make all the difference.
Decisively yours,
Dr. Jennifer Baker
*To learn more about Trailbound Trips and the wonderful woman who leads them, go to www.trailboundtrips.com.
**It's difficult to do justice to the work of Chip Heath and Dan Heath in a brief blog, which is why I encourage you to read the book.
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