“Do You Wanna Eat It?”

“Do you wanna eat it?”

That’s what my husband heard when we drove through the McDonald’s and he ordered a Danish shortly after we moved to the Ozarks several years ago.

He looked at me and said, “What’s she talking about? Of course I want to eat it.”

I shook my head and laughed. “That’s not what she’s asking.” Even though we had lived in the northern U.S. for much of our married life to that point, I am a native of the Missouri Ozarks so I understood what she was saying.

“She wants to know if you want it heated,” I responded to my Michigan-born husband.

“Oh,” he said. “Sure, warm it up.”

I thought about this brief interaction when I was considering the problems many men have when they’re trying to figure out how to have a great relationship with a woman they love. They hear her deliver a message, but miss her meaning. They’re both speaking the same language, but what they understand the other to say and mean is often quite different. I know this because I’m a woman. I know this because I’m a wife. I know this because I’m a therapist who has spent the last 25 years working with couples, leading workshops and doing therapy. A lot is, as they say, “lost in translation.”

Just for fun, I thought I might take a stab at talking about relationships in language or analogies familiar to many men. Since I’m not a man and I don’t even play one on TV, I may not get everything just right. Feel free to offer feedback and expertise. At the same time, I did grow up on a farm and spent eight years in 4-H. I've lived in Springfield, Missouri--the home of Bass Pro and O'Reilly Auto Parts for almost 16 years. 

I have eaten lots of fresh fish and wild game provided by my dad who was an avid fisherman and hunter. I’m married to someone who might have been Tim-the-Toolman-Taylor’s little brother. With this foundation—and the fact that we moved into our present home partly because it had a much larger wood shop for my Main Man to putter around in—I’ll move forward.

In the coming weeks I’ll be aiming my comments at men, helping them think about things like how to find and keep a good woman, how to know what women think and want (at least part of the time), how to fix problems in your relationship, and how to keep your love strong for the long haul.

If you’re a woman reading this, I hope you’ll get feedback from a man you know and love as to the helpfulness of this “translation.” I'd appreciate the help. If you’re a man, I’d like to know what you think.

Bridging the gap,

Dr. Jennifer Baker