Moment of Truth

Last week I had a funny experience over at the Chesterfield Family Center.  I had just changed into my bathing suit for water aerobics and was heading for the pool when a lady at an adjoining  locker smiled and said, “Hi Jennifer.”

I’ll admit it, I’m not good with names, but her voice did sound familiar and I thought I recognized her face … at least a little. A few minutes later she hurried into the pool area and jumped into the water. I tried not to stare, but I couldn’t get over the fact that she acted as though she knew me and there was definitely something familiar about her. Who was this woman?

I worked my way over to a position near to her in the water and took a better look. She definitely looked like someone I had seen before, and yet different. Finally I asked if she had lost weight or had a twin sister who once attended water aerobics. She laughed and said she had lost a total of 105 pounds since last February, but due to a family emergency hadn’t been to class for three months. When she came every week, I hadn’t noticed the difference. When she missed for three months, there was a definite difference.

“How did you do it?” I said.

“Weight Watchers,” she replied.

“How did you get yourself to go,” I asked. To me, that’s the really important question. There are a number of ways to lose weight—some better than others, but what I really want to know is what gets a person started down a new path when they’ve been going a different direction most of their life. Most of us know a different path, a better path is available, but what causes us to put one foot in front of the other going in a new direction and then keep going day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year?

“Well,” she said, “I went to my doctor and had my yearly. He told me, like he does every year, that I was doing fine for now. Normally he goes on to say I need to lose weight, but this year he handed me a brochure and asked me to consider gastric bypass. That made me mad." 

"It was just before Christmas so I didn’t say anything to my husband until January. Then I told him how angry I was because the doctor must think I was stupid not to be able to control the food I put in my mouth . . . and then I stopped and thought maybe I did have a problem.”

“After that I said I was going to Weight Watchers, but I kept putting it off … getting into the new year … my sister’s birthday coming up … finally, my husband suggested I was stalling, just putting it off and that I would never go.”

“Alright,” I said, “and I went. I was mad about going, but I went. It was okay. I decided to go back.”

"How did you keep with it?" I wondered.

"Well, I made the mistake of telling my kids. All their lives I've told them that if they started something, they needed to finish it … like if they started a team and decided they didn't like to practice or play, they still had to finish the season. Well, once they knew I was working on a program to lose weight, I knew I couldn’t quit. So, I stayed with it. Eleven months later I have lost 105 pounds."

"It hasn't been easy. I still did all the baking at Christmas time for our family, but instead of putting those goodies in my mouth I thought, ‘What do I want more? Do I want that (which lasts for just a bit), or do I want the new me?’ It made a difference.”

Her story got me to thinking. Most of my adult life I have been interested in what helps people change. I’ve been a teacher and I know education helps people change, but it often doesn’t seem to be enough when it comes to behavior. We often know what to do; we just don’t do it.

As a mental health professional, I have worked with many people to help bring about change in their behavior, their relationships, their work or their family. I know how hard it can be to alter something about yourself that you find problematic. It's not always easy, but I know there are definitely positive steps we can take to make it easier. 

What's on your list for improvement? Common things include—

• Losing weight
• Becoming more physically active
• Being more organized
• Procrastinating less
• Improving an important relationship
• Eliminating certain troublesome behaviors (e.g. smoking)

To get yourself started, it helps to have a wake-up call. So, I'm wondering what yours will be? What will it take to motivate you? What would get you started down a new road—one that requires a change in your routine, possibly cost you time and/or money, and may make you uncomfortable from time to time? Could it be ...

• Stepping on the scales, looking in the mirror, or reviewing old photographs?
• A visit to the doctor, high blood pressure or finding out you are pre-diabetic?
• Losing track of an important document or missing another deadline?
• Disappointing someone you care about or being written up at work?
• Poor communication, tension and stress in a relationship with someone you love?

 What will happen if you don’t change? What could happen if you do?


Sincerely,

Dr. Jennifer Baker