"I've been thinking about changing the color of our bedroom."
"What do you think about changing cars, maybe to something a little sportier?"
"Let's change our vacation plans and go somewhere different this year."
"What would you think about going to a Thai restaurant for a change, instead of Mexican?"
Other kinds of change may initially sound exciting, but seem less attractive over time.
"I'm going to join a fitness center and go at least four times a week."
"I want to start eating a healthier diet--less fast food, more fruits and vegetables."
"I want to stop smoking."
"I want to get to bed earlier and get more sleep."
What's the difference? Ron Heifetz, author of Leadership Without Easy Answers, refers to the first of these as "technical change." These kinds of changes are the easiest to make. Perhaps that's why we tend to relish and embrace them. The second kind of change, what Heifetz's calls "adaptive change," is much more difficult. Implementation of this kind of change requires new learning and is much more challenging. Perhaps that's why we resist.
Every year many of us resolve that this will be THE YEAR we will change in some significant way. Although we may make fun of New Year's resolutions, it turns out they may be more significant than we may think. I recently read an article suggesting that those who make resolutions at the beginning of the year are more successful in achieving and maintaining their goals than those who resolve to make changes at some other time. It's just one study and more research is certainly needed, but it has made me continue to wonder what creates and sustains successful change in our behavior.
Let's face it, at some point in our life, most of us want to alter our behavior in some way. We may want to be more organized or punctual. We may resolve to spend less time on social media, or stay in touch with our friends on a more regular basis. Many want to shed a few pounds and/or increase their activity level. For some, the desire to change is provoked by a look in the mirror or a review of old photos. Others are persuaded through a visit with their physician and a life-changing diagnosis. An ultimatum from a spouse or employer could be the motivation for others.
Over the next few weeks we will be considering important factors related to changing our behavior. There's much to ponder, but for now I'd like to focus on one thing, namely, your goal or goals. What do you really want to change or accomplish? What will you be doing differently when you're succeeding? What would a film crew following you around be recording?
For example, many people say they would like to write a book, or even that they should write a book. And yet, very few of those folks actually end up writing much of anything on a regular basis. It seems they like the idea of being an author, but they don't actually care much for the process of writing. Having written a couple of books myself I can tell you from experience writing can be a real drag some days--like trudging uphill carrying a couple of five-gallon buckets of water in eight inches of snow. In fact, I'm not all that certain I'll ever write another because the process requires that I give up so many other things I would rather do. It's nice to have your name on the cover of a book, but I'm not always sure it's worth the sacrifice. So do I really want to write another book, or do I just like the idea of being published?
Tim Miles, author of Good Company, Making it--Keeping It--Being It, writes the following: "Are you willing to put your head down, make a choice and move forward step-by-step down one path at the expense of other paths and opportunities?" While Miles, a marketing expert, is referring to business success I think his comments are also relevant to other changes we say we want to make, namely are we just saying we want to change or do we want to change badly enough to take the steps necessary to increase the likelihood of success.
You say you want to lose weight. Are you willing to remove snack foods from the pantry and avoid fast food establishments as a lunch? Or how about increasing your activity level? Are you willing to get up early and hit the gym before work or arrange your schedule to ensure you have time to show up before you head for home after work? Intend to improve your marriage or spend more time with your kids? What are you willing to give up to reach that goal?
Before I launch into some of the most effective ways to make important changes in your life, I think it's best to stop and ask yourself, what am I willing to let go of, loosen my grip on, change my attitude about, or rearrange my schedule for. If you can't answer this question, you're probably not ready to make a change.
Dr. Jennifer Baker
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