Change: "What's Your Favorite Color?"

A few days before Christmas our son, aka "Our Boy," sent us this photo of himself and his sons sitting in the Dallas-Ft. Worth airport en route to Minneapolis to visit his wife's parents for Christmas. (Our daughter-in-law, not in costume, declined to be photographed.) Now here's the thing about our son--he goes about life with a great "joie de vivre" evident in almost everything he does. He is an assistant principal at an elementary school where he handles any number of administrative duties, but his mantra tends to be, "If you can't have fun doing it, why bother?" Thus the Buddy the Elf get-up in an airport full of anxious, weary travelers at Christmas time. 
  I've seen videos of Our Boy riding up to school on his bicycle in a large chicken suit, sitting with his chicken feet propped up on his desk, and cheering the school children on with flapping feathers all to encourage more reading.

 
 

I suspect he gets this characteristic from his father, my Main Man. Back when unemployment was soaring and the economy tanking, he purchased orange corduroy pants, an orange striped shirt and an orange tie to wear as an ensemble to school one day just to give the parents, kids and teachers something to smile about. Accessorized with his green down vest, I thought he looked just like a giant walking carrot. People smiled alright. I just hoped they didn't lock him up.

What does this have to do with change? The truth is not everyone is crazy about an elf in an airport at Christmas time or someone in a chicken suit, flapping his feathers and cheering. Some thoughtful, contemplative, private folks would NEVER consider drawing attention to themselves in a potentially unseemly manner. They simply don't think it's appropriate. They don't see the point. They might agree with the extroverted personality on a common goal--using one's resources to bring greater joy and happiness to others, but they clash when it comes to how that is to be accomplished. Clashes are likely to occur when you get these personality polar opposites together and they often set out to prove the other is inappropriate or wrong. They may even try to change each other. I know because I am definitely not the kind of person to wear a costume in an airport or dress from head to toe in bright orange. My attempts at changing either of these two extroverts have mostly failed, which is as it should be. Their change is not up to me.

Are there consequences associated with being a raging extrovert? A quiet introvert? Something in between? Probably. Should people try to change some aspect of their behavior or personality--tone it down, rev it up, modify the extremes? Possibly. It might be in their best interest, but modification is likely to come only when an individual decides change is necessary. 

Your spouse might want you to modify your diet and lose a few pounds and it truly might be in your best interest to do so, but unless you commit to this change it will only be a source of conflict and resentment. Your employer may insist on certain health habits, e.g., not smoking on campus, but unless you believe you need to quit smoking your efforts will be lackluster at best. In short, unless you want to change, believe you need to change and are convinced that change is in your best interest, a successful outcome is unlikely. Others may act as a resource, offering encouragement, support and strategies when your motivation is low and your zeal flagging, but ownership of the problem, the need to change, can be yours alone.

Next week I'll begin outlining some specific steps and strategies to positive change, but before we take that next step it seems important to take one more look around and determine the following:

1) Is there something I need to change? How do I know this? Who says?
2) Am I willing to make the commitment to do so?  Sacrifice the time, energy, resources and comfort of my current ways?
3) If I don't make this change, what are the potential consequences? Who will it affect or impact? Who will be the biggest loser?

Answer these questions and those of us who are ready will get started in a new direction next week.

Sincerely, 
Dr. Jennifer Baker