Monday, July 29, 2013

Making Good Decisions


Ever had trouble making a decision? I know I have, which is why I so appreciated a new book by Chip Heath and Dan Heath entitled, Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work.


“My workplace is so stressful. I’m wondering if I should look for another job.”


“We fight all the time. Should I stay in this marriage?”


“I feel depressed, but I really don’t want to take medication? What should I do?”


“I just got what seems to be a great job offer two states away, but we’re pretty happy here. It could be a great career move, but what if I don’t like it?



Each of these persons faces a significant decision, personal and/or professional. They may seek advice from others (friends, family, colleagues, etc.) or even professional help because they understand the gravity of their situation. They understand the consequences of choosing poorly can be substantial and sometimes, even disastrous. 


With that in mind, I thought it might be helpful to review some of the main points from the Heath brothers, starting with what they call the “Four Villains of Decision Making.”
“Narrow Framing—Unduly limiting the options we consider”

  
Persons often present for family therapy with a narrow frame. They wonder if they should end their marriage. I suggest that they can “always get a divorce,” i.e., there’s no sale on divorces. They will still be available in six months and they won’t be any cheaper. There are any number of options they might consider in the meantime if they allow themselves to avoid getting stuck in an “either-we-stay-married-and-miserable-or-divorce” perspective. 
  
In the same way, parents are also trapped in discipline strategies that create conflict in their relationship and are ineffective with their child. Parents are polarized and no one wins. A good therapist will often help them discover a variety of ways to be effective in managing their child’s behavior.


Even when our decision does not necessarily involve another person, e.g., changing jobs or going back to school or moving, we still may struggle with and “either-we-do-it-or-we-don’t” mentality. While it’s not possible in every circumstance to have a number of options, it is often true more often than we’re aware. Next week I’ll spend some time talking about the second villain, “confirmation bias” – our all too human tendency to see and believe only the things that confirm and support what we think we already want to do.



Many a poor decision has been made because of this phenomenon, but you’ll have to wait until next week to learn more.


Dr. Jennifer Baker

1 comment:

  1. I remember when I contemplated going back to school for years. In my late 30's I was still thinking about it. After all "How old will I be when I am finally finished?" "Will I fail?" I read an Ann Landers column where she advised a client with a similar thought process. "How old will you be in 4 years if you don't do this now?" "Do you want to be doing what you want to do in 4 years, or do you want to be still wishing you had gone for it?" Then, a sister-in-law very bluntly said, "You've been talking about this for years. Just do it!" Thankfully I listened to both advisers and finished school in 4 and 1/2 years and taught high school for 17 years fulfilling my dream. I guess I had that "either I do it or I don't mentality."

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