Things that Matter

Halbert Sullivan and A Toast to Fathers
Last Thursday evening my Main Man and I were privileged to attend A Toast To Fathers, the annual dinner and celebration for Fathers' Support Center in St. Louis, MO. The whole experience caused me to think more about the theme of contentment I started last week, but perhaps not in the way you would imagine.

The FSC is celebrating its 15th year, serving nearly 10,000 fathers and their families (including 25,000 children) since it began in 1998. Its primary mission is to "transition non-involved fathers into active parents, deeply involved in the lives of their children."

Halbert Sullivan is the President and CEO of the FSC, but 20 years ago you never would have guessed he would be capable of such things. According to a recent article in the St. Louis Business Journal, in 1993 41-year-old Halbert woke up from a two-week-long cocaine binge and made some life-changing decisions, including checking himself into a drug rehab facility and enrolling in St. Louis Community College. In the next five years he went on to earn his bachelor's degree from Fontbonne University in 1996 and graduated at the top of his class, earning a MSW from the George Warren Brown School of Social Work at Washington University.

Today, Halbert and his staff at the FSC focus on what many consider "hopeless cases," helping them become the kind of men and fathers they want to be. This includes helping a significant number of them earn a GED and gain steady employment as part of the process. Many men at the FSC have spent time in a correctional facility, making it even more difficult for them to find a job, but Halbert doesn't see them as a lost cause, perhaps because he has a similar story.

Halbert is the oldest of eight children raised in a housing project in Memphis, Tennessee by a strong mother and a sometimes absent stepfather. He started using drugs after his family moved to Rochester, New York when he was 14. Over the next 25 years he developed a serious drug habit and served three prison sentences, including two and a half years in the Attica Correctional Facility in New York. 

When Halbert decided to change his life, he had an uphill battle ahead of him. Very little would be easy. A number of barriers needed to be overcome. All the same, he earned a graduate degree and managed to land a job, which is what makes the founding of the Fathers' Support Center all the more remarkable. In 1998 Halbert left a secure job he liked as a social worker in St. Louis Public Schools to help start the FSC. According to Doris Stoehner, an FSC board member, "Halbert started without a salary, on a song and a prayer. We would go on the street corners in the projects and give out hotdogs and potato chips, trying to recruit men for the first program. It never ceases to amaze me the impact that the program--and Halbert--have made on thousands of lives in our community." (St. Louis Business Journal, April 19, 2013). 

(Photo from St. Louis Business Journal)

To learn more about the Fathers' Support Center and its programs for fathers go to http://www.fatherssupportcenter.org/, but for now I'd like to pause for a bit and consider some things about Halbert I most admire--something things I want to be true for me as well.

1) Discontentment as a Motivator for Change: First of all, Halbert was not content with things in his life that needed to change. In fact, it was a dis-ease or discontentment that motivated him to overcome some very difficult challenges including an addiction to crack cocaine, an extensive prison record, and the need for higher education at an age when most people are done going to school.

2) Content with Difficulties: Halbert did, however, appear to be content with the fact that the road would be difficult.

I can't help but think of M. Scott Peck here who said, “Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”

Nothing I know about Halbert suggests he ever thought, or even now thinks, that anything he is trying to accomplish in his own life or others will not come without significant effort.

3) Content with Sacrifice: From all I've seen and know of Halbert, he also appears to be content with the sacrifices he will need to make to continue his work with fathers. Raising money and support for the FSC every year is difficult. Although he has been successful in gaining significant recognition and resources, it requires effort--lots of effort. Moreover, Halbert owns two businesses of his own. I can only imagine what it takes for him to serve as President and CEO of the FSC and also manage two businesses. I just hope he takes care of his health because we need a lot more men like Halbert in this world.

What is my take-away from Halbert Sullivan? A contentment--or maybe acceptance is a better word--that changing lives and changing culture is hard work. It requires long hours and sacrifice. It will rarely be easy.

All the same, the joy I saw on the faces of those gathered on Thursday evening--especially the men and their families who have been through the FSC program, tells me the goal is worth pursuing.

When it comes to improving the lives of children and their families, Halbert Sullivan is one of my heroes. When I consider what he has overcome to accomplish his goal and compare it to challenges I might face, I am humbled. He encourages me to keep on, keeping on. Thank you Halbert.