Things that Matter

Sleeping: Plants and People

My kitchen window looks down on one of our Spring perennial flower beds. When the daffodils and hyacinths are in full bloom, I love the view. In a month or so, I know I'll be treated to purple blossoms on the butterfly bush and periwinkle hues on the hydrangea. Right now, however, it's pretty uninspiring.

The long stalks of the daffodils are stretched out on the ground, turning brown and drying up. I'm ready to be done with them. I want to move on to something more colorful. "I think I'll just cut them back?" I say to my husband.

"Wait," he warns. "You need to give them time. Right now, while they're still green, they're gaining the nutrients they need to strengthen the bulbs. Be patient. You can cut them back in another two or three weeks when they're all brown and yellow."

I know he's right. I even checked the gardening books to be sure and they recommend the same thing. 

Last week I wrote about the "sleeping, creeping, leaping" cycle for growing beautiful perennials. What I didn't say then, but need to add now, is that perennials also need to "sleep" or rest during the year. When it comes to plants like daffodils, daylilies and iris it means you need to wait to cut back unsightly foliage. Patience in this area is key to the long-term health of these perennial, bulb-based flowers. Cut them back too quickly, shorten the time they're resting and rejuvenating, and you shorten the life of the bulb.

Sigh. Patience was never one of my key virtues. I take some comfort in knowing I'm not alone in wanting to hurry things along in my garden and in life. Lots of people today, it seems, are eager to move quickly from one thing to another without giving their body, their mind and their emotions time to recover. We've grown accustomed to instant messaging, fast food and microwave meals. We expect problems to be resolved quickly and efficiently. We grow weary of waiting more than a few days or weeks for a resolution to our problems. 

Addicted to "Wake"

The most obvious and frequent place we neglect the necessary replenishing phase in our lives is with a healthy daily sleep routine. When it comes to "sleeping" or resting it's not unusual to hear people boast of how little they rest, almost as if it's a merit badge of some sort. One of my colleagues once said that Americans are "addicted to wake," i.e., we are frequent users of "stimulants" to keep us awake.

If we're not cruising the internet well into the night on our iPads, Smart phones, or laptops, we're sending text messages or answering email. When our alertness begins to fade, we resort to caffeine-laden drinks to keep us going.

In short, we avoid the restful 7-8 hours of sleep almost every human being needs to maintain health and optimum functioning to keep ourselves conscious for fear we will miss something if we close our eyes for an extended period of time.

Chained to Choice and Change

Over the last few decades, mostly without our awareness, the options for choice and change have proliferated. Although it would be almost impossible for most young adults  in the U.S. today to believe, not all that long ago most people were limited to a small number of television stations. To change from one to another they had to walk across the room. Since there was often only one (or at the most two) televisions in the house, changing channels required skills of negotiation with siblings. Sometimes you just had to put up with what the person in charge (read "parent") wanted to view. In short, choices were limited and change occurred at a snail's pace.

Today, the world wide web, which can be viewed from multiple devices, offers a bounty of choices. There are sites to help you find a mate, cheat on your mate, and hook up with a new mate. You can gamble away a life savings without ever entering a casino, view pornography without ever buying a magazine, and shop until you've maxed out every one of your credit cards. Pretty much anything you want--both good and bad--is available to you with only a few clicks on the keyboard. The natural restraints and delays of the past are much easier to sidestep when it comes to avoiding impulse control problems.

Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of advantages and good things about the advent of the internet and I'm not one of those people who want to go back in time. I enjoy writing this blog, for instance. I post pictures on Facebook. I text my husband, children and friends. I occasionally shop online and process dozens of emails each day. But just because the internet can help us expedite some things, it doesn't necessarily speed up change in human behavior. For better or worse, most of us are a lot like perennials in our requirement for a "sleeping" or resting period.

 How Long is Long Enough?

"How long am I going to feel this way?" questions Megan. "I don't really want to get a divorce, but I'm so frustrated and angry with my husband right now. Will I ever really love and trust him again? I don't know how much longer I can stand feeling this way."

"We're worried about Sean's behavior. We've tried doing some of the things you suggest and they help a little, but will it be enough? When will he learn to be more responsible? We've been at this for 6 weeks. Should we be seeing more improvement by now?"

"Brian died three months ago and I still miss him so much. I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of gigantic waiting room. How long can I expect to feel like this?" wonders Sara.

How often I've heard questions like these--questions I can't really answer, except to say that it usually takes longer than we think. Retooling, refueling, reclaiming, renewing, revitalizing . . . all these things take time. The human body, mind and soul cannot be microwaved or instant-ized.

Behaviors and routines are established over time and they also take seasons to change. Healing, resting, recreating, restoring ... can take weeks, months and sometimes a year or more, but if done right, spring will come again. The roots will strengthen; the foliage will flourish; and blossoms will bloom for perennial flowers and for people.

Catching up on some rest,

Dr. Jennifer Baker