ESPN plays
on the monitors in the hallway, but in the classroom filled with black leather
loveseat recliners, it’s all business at Family
Expectations on Monday night in Oklahoma City.
“Okay,” so
your baby is crying. (Video of fussing infant appears on screen.) “What are
your options? What do most people do first?”
The person
asking the question is a man. He stands in front of a room full of 30-40 new and
expectant parents. Half are mothers and half are fathers. Not quite half of
them are married to their partner. They know the screaming infant experience is
coming. In some cases, they’re already there. What do you do with a crying
baby?
For the next
45 minutes the man in front talks with the class about how to sooth a fussy
baby. He gives them tips on ways to comfort an infant before picking him up. The
class observes an infant’s response to a comforting voice or calming touch.
They’re exposed to the concept of self-soothing and learn how this develops in
a child over time. They discover ways to hold their baby that are most likely
to be successful in consoling her cries.
Everyone—mothers
and fathers—are given the information they need to calm a screaming child.
Fathers and mothers learn together what babies need. It is assumed both are
equally capable. The 15-member contingent from Springfield is seeing a
one-of-a-kind approach to improving child outcomes that also appears linking to
significant declines in child abuse and neglect.
It makes
sense when you think about it. Mothers and fathers learn together about how to care
for their infant, while also learning how to work as a team to build a safe and
stable home for their child. This includes how to manage the inevitable
conflict that can occur with sleepless nights, stretched finances and much less
free time. This “magic moment,” as researchers in the Fragile Families study
have dubbed it, is a critical time when the vast majority of fathers and
mothers (married to each other or not) have indicated a strong interest in
forming a family. This is their goal and aspiration, but far too few are
actually able to achieve this dream. All too often, fathers and mothers who
fail to learn the skills to form and maintain a committed relationship within
the first year of their child’s life are no longer together a year or two
later, an occurrence often placing their baby at great risk.
Today, 1 in
3 children lives without his father in the home compared to 1 in 5 in 1980.
Children growing up without a father’s presence are 4 times more likely to be
poor, two times more likely to drop out of high school, more likely to have
behavioral problems, and more likely to end up in prison. Of course there are
many exceptional single-parent moms who do an amazing job of raising children,
but it's usually not their preference or first choice. For many reasons, more fathers than ever before are not living with their children. The trend toward fatherlessness in America today is not a good thing. It
places children at risk and increases poverty.
If we want
to do something to improve outcomes for children – something about poverty, crime
and educational outcomes we also need to think about ways to engage fathers. We
need to help them feel successful in their critical role right from the start,
because when good dads are involved, children do much better.
*References
to statistics and research findings cited in this article are available upon
request.
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