I got a text from my daughter with a photo attached. It
said, “Best gift ever—learning to sew last year! Thanks again.” I couldn’t help
but smile. A few years ago we gave her sewing lessons for Christmas. She had
been asking me to teach her for years, but weeks turned into months turned into
years and we still hadn’t found the time. Besides, I wasn’t all that certain
that I would be the best teacher for her. Then a couple of years ago I
purchased a new sewing machine for myself and took a few lessons to sharpen my
skills. It occurred to me then that the instructor I enjoyed learning from
might also be an excellent teacher for my daughter . . . and I was right. She
took several hours of instruction and learned how to use my mother’s Bernina
sewing machine. In short order she began turning out all kinds of projects
including new curtains for her home, alterations to clothing, and gifts for
others. We could have given her a lot of things, but none would have been as
valuable in the long run as the gift of learning a new skill.
It strikes me that giving a gift that enables someone to do
something new is a lot like the saying that goes, “Give a man a fish and you
feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” When
we give a gift that teaches someone how to do something new, we give a gift
that keeps on giving and giving and giving. My grandmother was an excellent
seamstress and my mother marveled at how she would make dresses “without a
pattern.” My mother was spectacular constructing everything from lingerie and
our wedding dresses to a pop-up tent. She upholstered furniture, smocked
dresses for our babies and cross-stitched snowflakes on our Christmas dresses.
I was never as proficient as she was, but I did learn to sew, embroider and
quilt. Now I had the opportunity to pass that love of creating with fabric and
the associated skills along to my daughter through the gift of sewing lessons.
From what I have seen, she is embracing the family tradition.
This causes
me to wonder about how we might be intentional in passing along the skills
associated with having a healthy family. Those of us who grew up in a happy,
healthy, stable home may think that having a good relationship comes naturally,
but we’d probably be wrong. The world has changed and young adults today face
many challenges with family formation their parents did not. Learning the
skills to communicate well about the challenges facing today’s families is a
must. Resolving conflict safely without damaging words and building resentment
is essential. Keeping fun and friendship alive after the babies come and the
years roll on is critical. Skills-based relationship education can make all the
difference in helping people attain the kind of home and relationship they want
for themselves and their children.
A year from
now Christmas will roll around again. When it does, will you be getting a
thank-you note, an email or a text from someone you love? Imagine how you would
feel if you read the following:
“Best gift
ever—reconnecting with my mate after the baby came. Thanks for helping us keep
our love alive.”
“Best gift
ever—getting our marriage off on the right foot. Thanks for giving us a head
start.”
“Best gift
ever—helping us stick together just at the moment we were falling apart. Thanks
for caring.”
“Best gift
ever—helping me make better choices when it comes to a healthy relationship.
Thanks for caring about my future.
You can do
this for yourself and lead by example. You can do this for people you love. You
can do this for others who can’t afford it for themselves, but desperately need
the help. Give a gift that will keep on giving for years to come.
Dr. Jennifer L. Baker
P.S. The first quilt pictured is from my daughter. The next three are photos taken at the Ozark Piecemakers biennial quilt show this past September.
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