I suppose there may be a more ardent baseball fan than J. Fotsch. I've known a few who come close, but I doubt many are his equal. You can hear J. every weekday morning during drive time on Journal Broadcast Group's Power 96.5. That's his "day job," but during the baseball season, J. follows his heart to Hammons Field where he works as the on-field MC for the Springfield Cardinals--the AA affiliate of the St. Louis Cardinals.
In his personal life, J. is married to MacKenzie. They've been together for a number of years and married for nearly four, so I thought he might know a little something about being a great fan of baseball and how that relates to having a good relationship.
Beginning with the basics, I asked how long he had been a fan of the St. Louis Cardinals.
"Since I was breathing," J. remarked. "I mean, I grew up in St. Louis. My parents were fans. We were always listening to Jack Buck and then Mike Shannon on the radio. I went to Busch Stadium with my dad, with my baseball team, with anyone I could."
"So, what makes a good fan," I wondered.
Look the Part
"Good fans look the part," J. emphasized. "You know a serious fan when you see one. They have lucky jerseys. I've got a lucky Stan Musial jersey and a lucky Willie McGee jersey. My favorite player is Willie McGee. I know Stan's jersey is lucky because I got to meet and hang out with him for a while and the next year they won the world series."
"Good fans also have hats. There are a lot of good memories associated with those hats. In fact, even when they're so worn out and tattered my wife won't let me wear them, I save them in a special place. I have a whole box of St. Louis Cardinals hats that I 'retire' when they get too ripped or torn to even be a fishing hat."
This got me to wondering if happily married people, "look the part." Of course, there's the wedding ring. That symbol is an announcement to the world you have made a commitment to another person. To me, it's sad many people today say that sort of formal commitment doesn't matter. If it's important for a baseball fan to look the part with "team wear" and team colors, then certainly there must be some sort of significance to looking the part in a committed relationship. You could never mistake J. as anything other than a committed St. Louis Cardinals fan. It got me to thinking about the ways we announce that sort of dedication in other areas of our lives.
Thanks for the Memories!
When I asked J. to say more about what he meant about the memories associated with his well-worn baseball caps, a big grin enveloped his face.
"Wearing the hats, even just looking at them, brings back powerful memories of being a kid in St. Louis, playing ball, being with my family at games and the clip-clop of the Clydesdales as they came on the field. . . Did you know I even had the Clydesdale's song, Here Comes the King from Budweiser, at my wedding? Those memories are that good."
How important it is to keep happy memories alive in a good relationship. Nearly every day of the year, J. keeps the positive feelings he has about baseball alive with things that remind him of the great times, unique experiences and favorite people he associates with the sport and team. Happy couples do this too. They have "their song." They keep photos on their desk, their screen saver and around their home to help them to recall favorite times together. These serve as powerful reminders of the moments the two of them have shared. It helps keep their love alive on dull, gray winter days when the snow is piling up and it feels like spring will never come. It gives them hope for a new season when they can experience something special together again.
You've Got to Keep Up with It Every Day
"So what makes a baseball fan different from someone who loves basketball or football?" I asked.
"Being a baseball fan is different," he patiently explained. "With baseball, there are so many games that it's important to keep up with it every day so that you can be knowledgeable about what's going on. It's kind of like a girlfriend. You can't just pay attention once a week. To be a serious fan, you need to know what you're talking about. Things can change quickly. Players change; slumps can happen; there are good and bad streaks; and there are injuries."
It's rather ironic that J. already knows there are a lot of similarities between being a fan and being in a committed relationship. Both require time, effort and attention to details. You need to pay attention to know what's going on. It's not enough to just tune in once a week to your special someone. According to J., it's an everyday focus and awareness.
Handling the Off-Season
Baseball season starts this week, which made me wonder. What does a fan do in the off-season? How does he keep his "love alive" when snow blankets Busch Stadium?
Jay responded without hesitation. "Oh, there's the MLB (Major League Baseball) network and Cardinals DVDs. I watch past world series championships to bring back the moment. Sometimes I read clippings and stories from the St. Louis Post Dispatch that my family sends me. I like to read stories of famous baseball people. I also like to read about other teams and baseball activities in general."
What if people showed that same sort of interest in their relationship? Can you imagine what it might look like if couples showed this kind of enthusiasm for learning when it comes to keeping their relationship strong. Some do. I suspect these champions are the ones celebrating a number of winning seasons as the years roll by.
The Best Players Have a Short Memory.
And then J. said what I think was my favorite part of the entire interview. I had questioned why he liked baseball better than football or basketball. "After all," I noted, "lots of people are pretty fanatical about those sports. Sometimes I think baseball is a little slow in terms of action."
"It is slow," he said, "but in some ways, that's what makes it special. It's all about the anticipation, because it can change at the drop of a hat. Really, it's a game of failure, because statistically you fail a lot more times than you succeed and you have to learn how to bounce back. Even though it's a team sport, sometimes it feels like you're out there all alone. It's more of a mental game than any other sport in that you have to bounce back from day to day. The best baseball players are the ones with the shortest memories because the next day is a new day."
Wow, I thought, the same seems to be true for the happiest couples I know. Some days life can seem pretty dull or slow, but it can change quickly. In marriage, there are times when you feel like you fail more than you succeed. A lot can go on in your head when you you're in a losing streak of hurts and disappointments. What a difference it can make for those folks who have short memories, who don't hang on to the hurts and and frustrations of the previous day. The happiest couples I know, believe tomorrow is a new day."
I'm looking forward to a new season. I hope you are too.
Fanatic about healthy relationships,
Dr. Jennifer Baker
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