I never liked group projects in school because I didn’t want
to be responsible for or dependent on someone else’s work. I didn’t have much
opportunity to play team sports as an adolescent since those weren’t available
for girls in high school when I attended. My mother insisted I learn to play
the piano—typically a solo instrument. It was much more practical than ballet
lessons she said. My father wanted me to learn to do public speaking—again an
activity singularly focused on one person’s ability. It wasn’t that I avoided group activities as a
kid. Much of the time, it just wasn’t an option.
In college, where they did have women’s sports, I settled on
swimming. There, I was part of a team, but other than relays, all of our
efforts were pretty much independent from each other. In swimming, there’s a
lot of keeping your head in the water and focusing on the goal of propelling
yourself swiftly and smoothly from one end of the pool to the other.
Interaction with teammates is rare until you get out of the water.
Perhaps that why I have always had a fairly independent
streak when it comes to behavior change in my own life. I know that support
groups, mentors and coaches can be helpful for some, but I generally expect to
“go there alone.” After all, I’ve
reasoned, I know what to do. It’s simply a matter of doing it.
Ah, but that’s where the illusion of “knowledge = behavior
change” takes over. Just because I know to do something different, doesn’t mean
I can actually do it. According to one expert, “Habits eat willpower for
breakfast” and in my case, at least, he’s right. Knowing that I need to change a
habit and actually doing it are two different things.
If I needed further evidence, all I had to do was check my
weight. For approximately a year I weighed myself three or four times a week. I
had heard that simply becoming more aware of one’s weight through a regular
discipline of stepping on the scales might help to alter my eating patterns. It
didn’t, probably because I never shared my weight diary with anyone else. Only
I knew that my weight never varied more than three to four pounds. Only when I
decided to return to a group setting (Weight Watchers) where I was more
accountable for my weight and received the support of others did I manage to
shed 15 pounds.
Apparently I’m not alone. In Eat Move Sleep, Tom Rath identifies several studies emphasizing the
importance of social support for behavior change. In one, 218 people were assigned
to get more exercise and then randomly assigned to one of three different
groups. One-third of the group received no reminders at all, one-third received
automated calls every three weeks for a year, and one-third spoke to a real
live person every three weeks. Guess which group increased their exercise the
most? If you guessed the one with personal phone contact, you’d be right.
According to Rath, “A simple check-in from another person nearly doubled each
participant’s activity over the span of a year” (p. 162). The take home for me
… if you really want to change your eating habits, a group might help.
It’s not easy to admit you need the help of another. Pride,
embarrassment, fear, misplaced priorities—all these can stand in the way of
placing one’s self in the position of seeking support from others. If you truly
want to change, you can try to go it alone. Some people are successful with
that strategy – a few, but most do much better accessing support from others.
If you really want and need to change something about your life, I hope you’ll
consider the second option seriously.
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