Everything You Need to Know about Marriage from an Automotive Technician

You might not expect someone who married at age 17 to his same age girlfriend to know much about marriage. If you also learned he spent most of his life running a business devoted to auto repair you might be even more amazed, but that's the truth about Rick Hughlett, owner of Rick's Automotive. Last week I had a chance to visit with Rick on the connection between having a great relationship and maintaining your car. He shared some very helpful things.

Be Consistent.
As you might expect from a man who specializes in keeping vehicles in good running order, Rick has a lot of thoughts about the importance of consistency in terms of maintenance. According to Rick, today's automobile should run at least 200,000 miles if well maintained. 

"Don't wait until problems accumulate," he urges. "Take care of them when they are still small and you'll save time and money."  He also suggests this as a good principle for maintaining a great marriage. "Start early," he said. "Stay regular in the small, but important things if you want to keep going strong year after year." Rick went on to explain that from the very first he and his wife, Karen, took two vacations every year--one with the kids and one just with each other. He highly recommends this practice to other young couples--including his two daughters, emphasizing the importance of making the couple relationship a high priority.

Read the Owner's Manual.
What a great piece of advice many people fail to follow--myself included. Sure, I fish out the manual when I can't get the interior lights to come on or need to change the time on the clock, but I'm often guilty of just pushing around on some buttons until I achieve the desired effect. This may work with wind shield wipers or lighting, but it can be disastrous with auto maintenance. Waiting until the "check engine" warning lights up can leave little margin for error. "If people would just read the manual and do what it says," encouraged Rick, "they'd have a car that ran well for years. And so it also goes with marriage." 

But what is the owner's manual for marriage? For many people it involves the tenants of their faith, the Bible or their sacred scriptures. I can't think of a major world religion that doesn't support marriage, so this is often a good starting point. 

Sometimes folks want something more specific. In this case, there are many good books, DVDs, audio recordings, speakers, conferences, and workshops like we offer through the Murney Clinic. These can be very helpful to people who want to know more about "what's under the hood" and "how to keep the engine humming." You just need to be willing to acquire more information. It's a lot like learning about your automobile.

Turn Down the Radio and Listen.
I've heard it said that men will pay a therapist $100/hour to tell them what their wife has been telling them for years. I'm not sure about that, but I do know that in some respects, your mate has his or her own "manual." You just need to be willing to listen and pay attention.

This reminded me of some work one of Rick's technicians did on my car a few years ago. I'd had it in for some repairs with the dealer, but the car still had a funny noise that began when I reached about 35-40 mph and disappeared at speeds over 60 mph. I'd been told that everything was fine, but I knew it wasn't. Rick's technician drove the car, listened attentively, and nailed the problem. 

"Sometimes you have to turn off the radio and just listen," offered Rick. "We men are fixers. We want to take care of things. Over the years, I've learned that sometimes all my wife wants me to do is listen. In marriage, as with your car, you'll have a better idea of what to do about the problem if you listen first."
 
Plan Ahead--Realize Things are Going to Happen
 "When do you want to choose the person who will take care of your vehicle if you're in an accident and it has to be towed? Do you want to do that at the scene when the policeman asks you where you want it to be taken, or do you want to give it some thought ahead of time?"

He had me. I must confess I have given little thought to who would do my auto body work should I need a repair. And, yet, I also know that should such an unfortunate incident occur, it would be best if I had a place in mind.

Things happen. Life is like that, not only with cars, but also in relationships. People get sick, lose jobs, get promotions, move across the country, have two babies instead of one-- you get the picture. Those couples who do best plan ahead for the changes likely to come, and have a safety net in place for those they don't expect.

Get Advice from People You Can Trust.
If you've heard the ads for Rick's Automotive, you know that trust is a big deal for Rick. According to him, "If you want to drive your car for 200,000 miles, don't ask the guy who's driving the clunker how to do it. Ask the person who's driving a 10-year-old vehicle that is well-maintained and running smoothly down the road. That's the person to talk to." 

It's the same with marriage. I like to ask, "Whose marriage or relationship do you want yours to be like?" Those persons with a clear role model or two in mind, usually do the best. They know what they're trying to achieve. They've got a blueprint, of sorts, in their head and because they do, it's easier. If you don't know someone like this, I think Rick would strongly suggest you find them for your car and for your marriage. 

Do Something Extra
We were finishing the visit when Rick offered one more word of advice--a real gem. "Don't always look at it as maintenance," he said. "Do something extra for your car." 

He went on to explain that when you love your car, you do little things for it every now and then--buy something special for it, wash it and give it a good wax job. "When you wax your car," he explained, "you really get to know it. You understand it better. This kind of treatment helps it stand up to storms much better because it is loved and cared for." 

It was about then I thought maybe I should just move my office over to Rick's. He's a man "you can trust" to know the essentials of automotive maintenance and a great marriage. I'm thinking he might make a great co-therapist.

Motoring along,

Dr. Jennifer L. Baker