Making the Dinner Connection

“We had the Smiths over for dinner Tuesday. I fixed oven-baked chicken, Aunt Erma Jean’s potato salad, fresh green beans, coleslaw from a new recipe out of the church cookbook and peach pie for dessert. Wish you could’ve joined us.”

I wished I could have joined them too. This kind of information was included in so many of my mother’s weekly letters to my sister, brother and me that it almost became a joke to us. She had a knack for cooking and enjoyed inviting others for dinner. She would never have described herself as a gourmet cook—though she once baked her way through every sponge cake, jelly roll and cream puff recipe variation in the Betty Crocker Cookbook. Rather, it was more that she enjoyed welcoming people to her table and reveling in their company as we ate.

I thought about my mother the other night when I gathered with five women around our dining room table. I’ve been trying to do this about once a month for the past six months. I got the idea from the IF Gathering Blog, which basically suggests you gather six women for dinner over two hours with four questions. The meal need not be fancy, but it should be fun. The focus is on conversation and  becoming better acquainted.

I’m happy to report that even with a hectic work schedule the dinners have far exceeded my expectations and been worth every bit of effort. At the end of every evening I’ve found myself enlivened by the fun we’ve had together. This past week was no exception. 

by Tsnoni on Flicker.com

This month I focused exclusively on gathering women from my neighborhood. All of us were randomly acquainted with one or more of the group, but none of us knew all of the others in spite of the fact that five of the six of us could see each other’s houses from our yards.

What did we talk about? Everyday sorts of things—home, families, work—the kinds of things most folks talk about. The difference was that we also used the four questions I referenced earlier to guide our conversation.

1) What are the easy, uncomplicated things that you’re thankful for this season?

2)  What are some of the more unexpected or surprising gifts of this last year?

3)  Even in the midst of gratitude, is there something you’re longing for?

4)  What might God be inviting you to learn through the longing?

Not everyone may be comfortable with all these questions, but the members of the group didn’t seem to mind. As we started with the first one and worked our way to the last, we all discovered a bit more about each other than what is revealed through a wave, a nod and a smile across the front yard. We started to become a little community to each other. We began to learn a bit more about the hopes, fears and dreams of every person at the table.

Research confirms that people live longer and are happier when they are connected to others in meaningful ways, e.g. through dinner and conversation. For my mother, this seemed to be second nature.  I have to be more intentional. I need to put it on the calendar, invite the guests and put the meat in the crock pot before I leave for work. It’s not quite as easy for me, but based on the fun and friendship we experienced last Thursday night, I’d encourage anyone to make the effort. Keep the meal simple. Let others bring something if they like. Invite just enough people to keep conversation flowing—six is about right. 

"Breakfast" by Phil Hawksworth on Flicker.com

Most importantly, find a way to get everyone talking, sharing each other’s lives. Four pre-planned questions are helpful. Gatherings like this are every bit as important to your health and well-being as a regular exercise program. They might even be more fun. Just remember to go easy on the dessert.

Making the connection,

Dr. Jennifer Baker