Ever had trouble making a decision? I know I have, which is why I so appreciated a new book by Chip Heath and Dan Heath entitled, Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work.
“My
workplace is so stressful. I’m wondering if I should look for another job.”
“We fight
all the time. Should I stay in this marriage?”
“I feel
depressed, but I really don’t want to take medication? What should I do?”
“I just got
what seems to be a great job offer two states away, but we’re pretty happy
here. It could be a great career move, but what if I don’t like it?
Each of
these persons faces a significant decision, personal and/or professional. They
may seek advice from others (friends, family, colleagues, etc.) or even
professional help because they understand the gravity of their situation. They understand
the consequences of choosing poorly can be substantial and sometimes, even
disastrous.
With that in
mind, I thought it might be helpful to review some of the main points from the
Heath brothers, starting with what they call the “Four Villains of Decision
Making.”
“Narrow Framing—Unduly limiting the options we consider”
Persons
often present for family therapy with a narrow frame. They wonder if they
should end their marriage. I suggest that they can “always get a divorce,”
i.e., there’s no sale on divorces. They will still be available in six months
and they won’t be any cheaper. There are any number of options they might
consider in the meantime if they allow themselves to avoid getting stuck in an
“either-we-stay-married-and-miserable-or-divorce” perspective.
In the same way, parents are also
trapped in discipline strategies that create conflict in their relationship and
are ineffective with their child. Parents are polarized and no one wins. A good
therapist will often help them discover a variety of ways to be effective in
managing their child’s behavior.
Even when our decision does not
necessarily involve another person, e.g., changing jobs or going back to school
or moving, we still may struggle with and “either-we-do-it-or-we-don’t”
mentality. While it’s not possible in every circumstance to have a number of
options, it is often true more often than we’re aware. Next week I’ll spend
some time talking about the second villain, “confirmation bias” – our all too
human tendency to see and believe only the things that confirm and support what
we think we already want to do.
Many a poor decision has been made
because of this phenomenon, but you’ll have to wait until next week to learn
more.
Dr. Jennifer Baker
